Shortly after writing that last post I was hit with the realization: my birthday's haven't really mattered to me since the birth of my first son. He just turned five and all those anxious moments self-reflection that used to be the hallmark of my birthdays came rushing back. And it felt good, because just maybe, I'm not completely selfish.
We had a family party to mark his birthday this past Saturday and the greatest joy I derived from it was watching the constant look of pure joy on his face all day. He realized it was his day and not only was he happy, but I think just purely proud to have all the attention showered on him. At one point I caught a glimpse of him in the corner of the family room just sort of taking everything in and beeming from ear to ear. I knew that look...it was my "just press pause" look I've used when experiencing a great moment that I just wanted to take a mental picture of. Filled my heart, it did.
It also made me realize I need to be better on recording them. Sure, I've taken mental images of similar situations with the boys in the past, but I need to be better about writing them down. The mind is probably going already and I need to forever have a reference to those special moments. They are the moments that make you feel alive.
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